Do you know the difference between Ross’ Rachel (FRIENDS reference if you wonder what I’m talking about) and my wife Adrienn is? She got off the plane, but my wife didn’t (neither I want her to).
In the early years of our dating, my girlfriend, now wife, got a fantastic opportunity in London, and therefore she had to spend some years there.
I was thrilled for her, but at the same time, I had this lingering fear of losing her because we all know how complex long-distance relationships are.
But you know what? We made it, we made it work, and now we are happily married and thankfully not in a long-distance relationship.
There are many pieces of advice that people and the internet give as to how you can make your long-distance relationship work or how you can keep things spicy between your partner in this situation. But no one told you about what you should never do when you are in a long-distance relationship.
So here I am writing down my experiences about what things you should avoid when you are in a long-distance relationship for all those struggling.
Having Less Faith in Your Relationship
Not being there with your partner physically for a long time sure is a scary thing. Some people even say that long-distance relationships never even work. I’d say never take these words to heart as these people have their own stones to throw at your relationship.
Just because their long-distance things did not work out for them doesn’t mean it won’t work for you also. The key is to have confidence in your relationship.
I get it; all the negativity people throw at you makes you doubt your significant other and your relationship. And sometimes, you may take it out on your partner, which can cause unnecessary fights between you.
My advice is to think about the journey you and your partner are on and ignore all the people that have discouraging things to say about your relationship.
Not Trusting Your Partner
Any relationship, be it normal or long-distance, would never work if you don’t trust your significant other. They say the foundation of every relationship is trust, and rightly so.
This issue, however, gets amplified when you are in a long-distance relationship. Living away from your partner springs a million insecurities into your life. For instance, if your significant other is having a good time with other people, you may feel insecure about it because you’re not there to make them feel the same.
But you cannot let these insecurities overpower the trust you have in your partner.
When my girlfriend used to come late at night, and I had to wait hours for her to get online, I do use to get annoyed but never even for a second did I think she would break my trust or show interest in someone else.
If your partner finds out that you don’t trust them, they will eventually lose interest in you because no one likes to give explanations over and over again.
Not Giving Your Partner Space
Naturally, you will miss them when they aren’t with you physically for an extended period. But that does not mean that you can keep contacting them at any time you want.
Also, the above-mentioned insecurities. These can cause a lot more problems than you think. Your continuous pecking at every little detail of their life can make them feel like you don’t understand them or their need for space.
Clinging to your partner every time, be it virtually, can annoy or even frustrate them. It can even result in breaking up the love in a long-distance relationship.
You have to understand that people can have busy lives, and if you keep calling them or messaging them and over-analyzing every activity of theirs, they can start to lose patience no matter how much they love you. Even if you are not around them all the time, your constant calls and texts will suffocate them.
The best is to make your schedule and let them live their lives.
Losing Your Own Sense of Individuality
Sometimes in a long-distance relationship, you make mistakes with your own self too and not just with your partner. Remember that your relationship with yourself is of utmost importance no matter what happens.
Sitting miles away from your love will naturally make you miss them, and you will think about them no matter who you are with and where you are. You might get complaints from your friends or family that you are never present with them mentally.
This mental absence or overthinking about your partner can disrupt your life, and you won’t be able to do anything about it.
Remember, love is not about obsessing over your partner; instead, it’s about knowing you have your own life, and the presence of this other person makes it better.
Don’t spend your whole day hanging on that one single message or call from your partner. This will cause you to lose your sense of individuality.
Pretending That Everything Is Okay
This happens in normal relationships; however, the difference is that in a long-distance relationship, your partner may not be able to really tell something is wrong with you because they are not physically there with you. Don’t assume that they will know or somehow interpret your body language like they used to before. If something is bothering you, speak about it.
Don’t try to give them hints, hoping them to figure out if you are angry or annoyed with them over any matter. It’s because sometimes the virtual mode of communication is not effective enough to convey your feelings. This can create misunderstandings. So, if you want things to remain clear between you two, you have to speak about what you feel.
The very word cheating brings up all the negative emotions. Craving for physical intimacy is a very human thing. At times you need your partner to be close to you. But when you live miles away from each other, your sexual intimacy becomes zero.
If you are in a romantic long-distance relationship, you may go even months without being with your partner. But it’s pretty common to feel sexually frustrated when you both cannot be together as much as you like.
Some people require sexual intimacy more than others. If you’re one of them, then it’s best to talk to your partner about it from the beginning. If you can, you both have to plan visits to each other as often as you need.
However, if you don’t have the luxury to meet, often keep things spiced up via other means but never lose connection with each other.
Think about the lifetime of intimacy you can have once you pass this relatively small piece of time of being away from each other.
You cannot let your physical desire come between your love. I can understand, for some people, it’s hard, but relationships are not easy; you have to work on it.
Taking Your Significant Other For Granted
When you live together or meet together frequently, you do romantic things for each other to make them feel good. But when you live away from each other, it’s pretty easy not to make these gestures for your partner because they are not physically present with you.
This lack of warm gestures will eventually dull the spark of your relationship. So to keep the romantic warmth intact between you two, you have to make them feel special the way you used to do before.
Celebrate your anniversaries even if you’re not with each other to cut the cake together. Send each other flowers and presents. Make them feel that they mean the same to you.
Dress up nicely for a video chat, arrange a special dinner for both of you and enjoy it together, maybe not physically but virtually.
I’ll give my example. My friend lived in London at that time, so I asked her to arrange a special surprise for my girlfriend on our anniversary. I bought her dinner, flowers and a nice dress. We both dressed up for video chat, and believe me; it was one of our best anniversaries. She still cherishes that day.
Not Giving Your Significant Other Enough Time
If being too obsessive or clingy towards your partner is bad, so is being too aloof. I won’t lie, a long-distance relationship is challenging, and you know what makes it more difficult? It’s not being able to connect with your partner not just physically but also mentally.
If you are fine with your partner going out with friends and don’t feel insecure about it, it doesn’t mean that they will reciprocate the same. Their feeling of insecurity would get double if you quit giving them ample time.
When you both are together, even holding, hands feel the other person secure. But when you live away from each other, these little moments are robbed, and then you have to work to make your partner understand that you still care about them and that there is nothing more important than you to them.
You have to understand that they still need your time even if they are not physically there. The best thing is to make a schedule and not make other plans when you agree to talk on a video call. They are away from you; they probably feel lonely. It’s your job to make them feel that you are and will be with them.
If you like, long-distance relationship is an obstacle you both have to go through. It will make your relationship even stronger or at least you will find out if you are made for each other or not.
However, I tried to share with you some of the experiences that worked for me, sorry to say that, but there is no golden rule. There will be ups and downs throughout your relationship regardless of distance and time. I would say, this is how it should work.
How does it work for you? Any experience?